Posts Tagged ‘eharmony’

Internet Romeo In Colombia

May 18, 2014

My first date in Colombia was with Diana. I called the number she had given me a few weeks prior, via email.

“Is Diana there?” I asked.

“No, who is this?” replied a female voice.

“I am Brian and I met Diana online on Colombian Cupid.”

“Ah yes, this is a friend of hers, my name is Adriana. The name of my friend isn’t really Diana, it’s Lorena.”

“Oh, can Lorena meet me today at 12 noon?” I asked, not at all fazed by a few names changes by my potential date.

“Yes, we can.” (It was very unexpected to have a date with two girls)

“Ok, lets meet at Plaza de los Periodistas (The Journalists’ Square) at 12 noon and then go to Monserrate (a little church on 10,000 foot high mountain) from there,” I suggested.

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At 12 noon, I received a call from Adriana, “Hi Brian, we are at the entrance of Monserrate, but we can’t find you.”

“Well, I am at Plaza de los Periodistas, waiting for you guys, should I take a taxi to Monserrate, and meet you guys there?”

“Yes, we will wait for you here.”

So, I jumped in a cab that was actually being hailed by another person from my hostel who was also going to Monserrate. It was with a girl who wasn’t quite sure if we had met before or not.

“Were you with the people from the hostel who went to the club last night?”

“Which people are you talking about?” As far as I could remember, I hadn’t gone out at night anywhere in at least a week.

Before she could respond, my phone rang.

“Hi Brian, this is Adriana, we have decided that we will come to Plaza de los Periodistas and see you, there are too many people up here at Monserrate.”

I quickly explained to the taxi driver and to my newly-acquired backpacker friend that I was getting out of the cab. The backpacker girl asked why. I explained that my friends had said that it was too crowded at the top. The backpacker remained in cab and decided to go on without me. I jumped out and started walking back to Plaza de los Periodistas. By the time I had gotten to Plaza de los Periodistas, Lorena and Adriana were already there.

Lorena quickly explained to me that she had given me the phone number of her friend (Adriana) as a way to protect herself from strange people. Although she didn’t explain why her real name (Lorena) was different from the name she used online (Diana).

Still really not having any idea what was going on, I agreed to go for lunch with my new internet friends.

As we walked through Bogota’s old town, Lorena/Diana and Adriana gave me an informal tour. The description given about every building by Lorena/Diana was all the same. It was either “delicious” or “cool.” What a great start, we had picked the most delicious and cool place in all of Bogota for our walk. We finally arrived at a restaurant that was in the touristy part of town and looked to cost a lot more than my standard $3USD meal that I was spending on lunch each day. Against my better judgment, I agreed to eat at this expensive restaurant. So we went in and all sat down. While ordering, Adriana made sure to get three appetizers and beers for everyone. My mind started to calculate the price of the meal. According to my estimate, the price at that moment was somewhere between $60-$75, (nearly a week’s budget for my food). I tried to relax and started showing Adriana some of the photos I had taken during my first week in Colombia. While I was doing this, Lorena/Diana got up from the table, walked out to the restaurant balcony and started talking on the phone with “her mother.”

As soon as the food came, Lorena/Diana came back from the balcony and sat down with us. She informed us that after the meal that we were invited to come to her mother’s house on the other side of town to watch a soccer game. I didn’t feel comfortable with doing that but I told her that I would go with them. We then started eating lunch. As we were eating, Adriana asked me how old I thought each of them was.

It was a strange question, since Lorena/Diana’s age (29) appeared on the website. I could definitely tell that Adriana was a lot older. But I didn’t want to offend Adriana, so I said, “29 and 32.”

Adriana (the less attractive and heavier one) looked to be very happy with that number and started talking about the many boyfriends she had in life, thanks to her charisma and beauty. At one point in her story she went as far to say, “If you don’t like Lorena, you could choose me.” At that exact moment when she said that, I was cutting my hamburger into more manageable bites and nearly cut my index finger off. It was the equivalent of asking to trade a horse for a Lamborghini.

My only response, was just to meekly smile while I tried to think of how I had gotten myself into this situation. Adriana then put her phone up to her ear, to make a call. The call didn’t go through. She then tried again.

“I am trying to call a cell phone that has been turned off, do you mind if I use your phone?”

I assumed that I either didn’t understand her Spanish that well, (because her request made no sense), or, she just wanted to see my cell phone to try and size me up for how much money I had. It was at this moment I knew it was time to take action. I grabbed my camera and backpack and said, “I need to go to the bathroom, I will be right back.”

I went to the back of the restaurant and went out the back door. It felt great to have skipped out on the bill, leaving two scam artists to pay for an overpriced meal. As I walked back to my hostel, I wondered what I would do if either of them tried to call me. I decided to turn my phone off for a couple hours. Fortunately, I never heard from Adriana or Lorena/Diana again. Unfazed by this first date, I was determined to find a special lady friend.

__________________________________

I Speak Colombian – The Book

When the country of Peru is mentioned, one imagines a peaceful scene of an Andean alpaca grazing along an Incan stone wall. When Ecuador is brought up, we imagine a rain forest panorama of frogs jumping off branches while butterflies mate in the background. When Colombia is mentioned, we automatically picture an overturned bus, being pillaged by men in ski masks. I think it is obvious, which country, a reasonable person like myself, would choose to go to in search of a beautiful Latin lover and a more fulfilling professional career.

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The 3-Hour Work Week: The Gringo Guide To Online Dating, Learning Spanish, Avoiding Deportation And Making Money In Colombia is designed to inspire people to maximize life experiences and escape an ordinary life. Inspired by the ideologies of the self-proclaimed “Internet Romeo/All-Star Budget Traveler/Worst English Teacher in Colombia,” it has been described as the holy grail for those who want to explore opportunities abroad and network with hot Latin singles.

This is the complete guidebook on how to relocate to Colombia and become an English teacher/freelance writer/actor. This book illustrates the many advantages (affordable health insurance, the lack of tipping in restaurants and affordable plastic surgery) that the gringo visitor can expect to find in Colombia.

Funny, fact filled and always informative, The 3-Hour Work Week provides the knowledge you need to make the most out of the Colombia experience, and/or makes a great coffee table book you can enjoy during the commercial breaks of the Jersey Shore. Jam-packed with practical information, The 3-Hour Work Week addresses all the concerns and taboos a prospective ex-pat in Colombia needs to know, such as finding the right job to tips on which people to filter out while surfing online dating sites. While other books focus solely on the tourist experience, The 3-Hour Work Week discusses the life beyond the typical gringo trail, providing you with an in-depth and often hilarious guide to Colombian internet culture, food, drinking, dating, health and relations with its socialist neighbor, Venezuela.

The 3-Hour Work Week is a true adventure story about a 37-year-old socially-awkward man who decided that the best way he could deal with being refused a job at Barnes & Noble was to go online and look for a girlfriend in Colombia, and then hop on a flight to Colombia’s cagey capital in pursuit of a woman he has never met.

Brian sincerely believed the trip would put him on a track towards a life of excitement, intrigue, and far from his increasing first world debt. Instead, he unexpectedly falls into a job as an extra in a Colombian soap opera, almost gets kidnapped during an eDate, has panic attacks, watches other gringos lose their marbles, and blows half his paycheck on bootlegged DVD’s. Along the journey, he chronicles his friendships, the deranged ex-pats he meets, and his struggles/triumphs, including one fateful night in a Israeli restaurant that would change his life forever.

Internet Love in Colombia

January 31, 2013

“Our South American tour to Colombia is an unforgettable experience that may very well change your life forever. You will be introduced to literally hundreds of stunning women from Cartagena, as well as other surrounding Colombian cities. Why Colombian women? They just so happen to be some of the most beautiful, genuine, and sincere women in the world. These women are extremely friendly, warm and sincerely looking for someone with whom they can build a serious relationship. No matter how much we try to prepare the men who attend our Cartagena romance tours, they are always overwhelmed by these very special women.”

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This is the hook introduction to the Colombian section of an internet site that specializes in romance tours all over the world. With tour packages starting at $1695USD, this might be a great way to justify taking a nine day trip to Cartagena or this may a south-of-the-border hail mary for divorcees addicted to online gambling. The personal opinion of this author is that if you are going to get into a serious relationship and possibly marriage, you might as well double down and come and start a relationship in Colombia. With the divorce rate hovering around 60% in most of the English-speaking countries it is probably a safer bet to search out a relationship with a foreign non-English speaking person than risk marrying someone from your own national origin.

The tour is pretty impressive and well thought out. For your money you are given two fully catered, special invitation, large socials. These are basically ballroom parties that take place in the same hotel that the tour has booked you into. Of course, there will be many intelligent and beautiful women there to meet as well as probably a few women who fall into other categories. The tour also includes hotel accommodations in Cartagena, unlimited personal introductions, complimentary interpreters provided at all socials, airport pickup as well as 24 hour hospitality and guidance from the website staff.

For the rest of us (people who don’t have $2,000USD to spend), there are dozens if not hundreds of websites specializing in meeting Colombian and Latin American singles. The one that is most familiar to this author is ColombianCupid.com. This website is free to use if you just want to see who is on the website. If you click on “advanced search” on the portal page you are instantly presented with a 2-page form that helps you best search for romance based on your own criteria.  Say for example, you would like to meet a 30-35-year old woman, living in Bogotá, with a profile photo, who is searching for romance/dating/marriage, speaks some English, has a bachelors degree and is willing to relocate to another country. After hitting search there are over 1,000 profiles listed in order of which members are most active on the site.

What is the difference between single women in Bogotá vs. the rest of Colombia? Probably the average woman living in Bogotá vs. the average woman living in Sincelejo (for example) is that in Bogotá there is the highest concentration of quality education, therefore the women who live here are more likely to have a more academic background, the women in Bogotá speak neutral Spanish and on the whole, are more used to being around foreign people.

A friend of mine, who will remain nameless, can actually testify to the confidentiality of your credit card information if you decide to join ColombianCupid.com because he joined the site for 2 months last year for $45USD. A standard question you will be asked by the female members after you join and put up a profile picture is, “What is your job?”

My friend always made a point of answering this question the following way, “I paint fences for a living.” No matter what your employment status is, my friend relayed to me, this is a highly effective way to avoid meeting women looking for a sugar daddy.

Next, he started viewing the profiles of the many women on the site. If there were ever more than two girls in one photo he would always send the same email, “Which one is you in the photo?” The answer would invariably be that the girl looking for a relationship would be the least attractive of the two. So, if you are ever unsure of which woman is the one who is actually the one looking for a special friend, you can take it from my friend and his research that it will always be the least attractive one.

Because there were so many Bogotá profiles of single women, my friend could also eliminate all the women who weren’t smiling in their photos, had visible tattoos, had their underwear showing,  too much cleavage hanging out (this means that either they are overeager or possibly using someone else’s photo) or were on the verge of black out drunk. My friend figured that probably the single most important characteristic he was looking for was a person who actually was happy and optimistic about the future. After narrowing the field down to about 15 profiles, he then started emailing them.  He decided the best question to ask would be a subject that pretty much every Colombian had an opinion on, “Do you love Shakira?”

If the girl responded, “What kind of crazy question was that?” He figured he would have to scratch her from the list. If the girl responded, “I really like Shakira,” he figured they were off to a good start. He would then ask more random questions like, “Tell me about a time in your life when you did something embarrassing,” and once again if the girl asked, “What kind of question is this,” he would scratch her from the list. He ended up chatting with a lot of interesting women who told great stories about getting dumped in elevators or falling down the stairs at church. He quickly had a more intimate group of five women from Bogotá who he was chatting with at least five times a week. Of these five, there was also another girl named Diana (who had beautifully tan skin, thick lips and a funny little grin) who he was very smitten with but she hadn’t answered any of the three emails he had sent her. In a last ditch attempt he decided to send her the mother of all emails, “Where would you like to go on our honeymoon?” If she didn’t answer this email he would back off for fear of being accused of internet stalking.

A few days later he got a somewhat puzzling email from Diana, “Thanks for your message.” He quickly sent her back a follow-up message, “I have bought a ticket to Bogotá, I will be arriving in 2 weeks, can I have your telephone number?”

He still pretty much knew next to nothing about her except what her profile said that she was a non-smoker, a financial administrator, had a daughter, had no exposed tattoos and was interested in starting a serious relationship.

After arriving to Bogotá he went on about three different dates with women he met online, one of which he snuck out of on his way to the bathroom to avoid a massive bill that he would be expected to pay. Furthermore, none of the women seemed like they had the real desire or enough free time to start a relationship with him. A week after he had arrived to Bogota, he got another message from Diana with her telephone number.

He called her up from his hostel and he arranged to meet her in Bulevar Niza at Corral Burgers. After she paid the bill of their first meal together it was pretty much a done deal. He moved into her apartment building a few weeks later and has been in a relationship with her since July 2012. Their relationship is not perfect, they do squabble after my friend forgets to wash out the sink after doing the dishes or when he eats too many chocolate chip cookies but he has thoroughly enjoyed being accepted into her life and is very grateful that someone has come into his life who is willing to overlook the fact that his hair is falling out, he watches “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” obsessively and has very poor dish washing skills. And, probably the best part about their limited internet interactions is that he will never have to explain to her why he told her he painted fences for a living.

When the country of Peru is mentioned, one imagines a peaceful scene of an Andean alpaca grazing along an Incan stone wall. When Ecuador is brought up, we imagine a rain forest panorama of frogs jumping off branches while butterflies mate in the background. When Colombia is mentioned, we envision a post-apocalyptic city full of overturned buses, being pillaged by men in ski masks. It is obvious which country any rational person would seek to avoid while searching for an internet bride.

“48,000,000 Colombians Can’t Be Wrong” is a true adventure story about a 37-year-old socially-awkward man who decided that the best way he could deal with a life sentence of microwavable burritos and 10-hour Facebook marathons was to look online for a girlfriend in Colombia and then hop on a flight to Colombia’s capital in pursuit of a woman he has never met.

During his first month in Bogota, Brian falls in with two white, self-assured backpackers who the author describes as, “…not the kind of guys who pump the brakes before going through an uncontrolled intersection.” He is then nearly kidnapped during an encounter with a woman he met online, almost becomes business partners with a Korean man in the “diamond business” and is forced to sleep in the DVD room of his hostel due to lack of funds.

Brian quickly regroups after his first month and auditions for the part of “congressional aide” in a Colombian feature film called “Left To Die.” He then lands a job as a writer for an English-language newspaper where his first interview is with a “suspected undercover CIA agent.” Brian then gets thrown off a TV set for refusing to take off his shirt from under his police uniform. While Brian is not getting thrown off TV sets, he marvels at all the discarded construction materials Colombians throw into pot holes to lessen their depths. Because of this strategy, a bus going over one of these open trenches (full of construction materials) will occasionally sling a chest-high brick through a group of panic-stricken pedestrians.

Brian sincerely believed this trip would put him on a track towards a life of excitement, intrigue and exotic women, far from his increasing first world debt. Instead, he unexpectedly falls into a job as an extra in a Colombian soap opera, has panic attacks, watches other gringos lose their marbles and blows half his paycheck on bootlegged DVD’s. Along the journey, he chronicles his friendships, the deranged ex-pats he meets, and his struggles/triumphs, including one fateful night in a Israeli restaurant that would change his life forever.

To view the complete book, go to …
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B015VWCXME?*Version*=1&*entries*=0

Everything You Wanted To Know About Teaching English In Korea But Were Afraid To Ask

December 28, 2012
There has been an exploding demand for native English speakers to teach English in South Korea. English programs and English academies have been spreading like wildfire all over Korea. And, due to an unpredictable economy, many university graduates, travelers, and people from all walks of life are packing their bags and taking advantage of the English boom in Korea.
Korean institutions are paying good money ($2,000-$2,500 a month) and offering excellent benefits (free housing, 30 hour work weeks) to Westerners who are willing to explore the unfamiliar, pack up their bags, and teach in thriving South Korea.
324288_10150780210710405_5010733_o
This is the complete guidebook on how to relocate to South Korea and become an English teacher. This book illustrates the many advantages (low taxes, high standard of living, friendly people, safe streets) and challenges (dating, language barriers, disciplining students, getting along with co-workers) that the first time teacher can expect to confront in Korea.
Funny, fact filled and always informative, “First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” provides the necessary knowledge you need to make the most out of the experience. Jam packed with practical information, “First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” addresses all of the topics and taboos a prospective English teacher needs to know, from finding the right job and negotiating a contract settlement to avoid eating dog while ordering food off of a menu.While other books focus solely on classroom experience,“First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” explores life outside of the classroom, providing you with an in-depth and often hilarious guide to Korean culture, food, friendship, drinking, dating, religion, health and history are just some of the subjects discussed in detail.Last but not least,
“First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” looks at the embarrassing realities of life abroad, offering pause for thought on such issues as learning how to pronounce Korean students’ names, a 15-minute golf lesson I got in Korean that increased my driving distance 20%, my interactions with my Korean co-worker “Kid” who confesses to me that he was accused by his ex-wife of burning down her house and the cheapest and best eye surgery I’ve gotten in any country. “First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” will awaken readers to the transitional opportunities available in a place that shares few Western customs but many of the comforts of home.
Written by Brian Ward, a semi-qualified middle school teacher whose walked the fine line between sanity and a nervous breakdown in the classroom, “First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” is an irreverent and insightful survival guide for anyone brave enough to try their hand at teaching English in South Korea or who just wants to have a laugh at author Brian Ward’s backwards approach to living in Korean culture.
This guidebook also compares teaching in the USA to teaching in Korea.
_______________________________________________________
Country Salary
(Year)
Yearly Taxes Yearly Housing Expenses Total Remaining
Korea $26,000 + 50% of medical bills paid $780   $0 $25,220
USA   $35,000 $8,000 $8,400 $18,600
_______________________________________________________
“First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” by Brian Ward, can be found on Amazon.com
Here is a chapter by chapter synopsis of the book:
Chapter 1
Dreams vs. Getting a Paycheck
This chapter profiles author’s friend Nick Lee, the hedonistic boozer surrounded by books, half-finished paintings and an old LP player — speaks in English rather than Greek or Latin. Prodigious nose, has been retooled as a heroic pretty boy. As Nick Lee’s life finally falls apart due to alcohol and lack of physical contact with women, the author decides to get on a plane to Korea. Upon his arrival to South Korea, he is taken back when he learns the true meaning of “Hair Shops” in Korea.
Chapter 2
Academy Owners
This chapter discusses the 4 major types of academy owners as well as which category I was working for. This chapter also discusses my “first contact” with my boss and Korean co-workers. This chapter reveals what a failure I am at teaching and includes the letters I received from Seoul which explained where I should improve. Introduced in this chapter is Carlo, an English teacher famous for drinking with Russians, getting bit by his students and his travels throughout Morocco.
In this chapter I get fired from my first job and start a new job. I am also forced to learn a little bit about Korean culture in order to be able to converse better with my students. Also introduced in this chapter is Jackie and the story of his dog “Blackie.” Also discussed is the Korean co-worker culture and what that entails.
Chapter 3
First Non-Monopoly Month in Class
I learn which class tattled on me for playing Monopoly every day in class. I also try different techniques for disciplining my students. I also discuss the advantages of talking with the students versus making them do exercises and what makes talking to the students so difficult. Also discussed is more of Carlo’s antics outside of the classroom. I finally get the bright idea of discussing the rules in class. I meet Carlo again out of class and we discuss the problems of his life; mainly how to deal with a belligerent student who happens to be the boss’ daughter in class.
Chapter 4
Bars and Churches
There are two types of English teachers in Mokpo, those who hang out in the bars and the other who hang out in church. Frankly I was getting tired of hanging out with the English teachers in bars. I decide to go to church instead. On my first day of church I discover that there is free orange juice and cookies served after each session. I meet Ms. Jung who explains to me why the street in Korea are so clean and how it affects retired Korean people. I also get my first private English student. Jackie’s house becomes haunted by a ghost and he reveals how to chase ghosts away. I go to my first baseball game.
Chapter 5
Modem vs. Router
I have my first run in with Korean modems and their downfalls. Jackie comes to my rescue and gives me some much-needed internet advice.
Chapter 6
Golfing in Korea
I meet my first Korean golf instructor who gives me best golf lesson ever using no English. Using my new-found golf skills I decide to golf a few rounds of golf with my new co-teacher George and his brother.
Chapter 7
English Meetings at Angel-In-Us Café
In addition to going to church, I join another group in Korea. This one is and English group that is run by my Korean friend Jackie. This group becomes a great way to meet new friends and discuss current events in Korea. Next, my former roommate, Carlo, gets taken to the police station and I talk to him before he gets deported from Korea. I also meet my replacement who’s teaching at my previous academy.
Chapter 8
4th of July in Korea
Author goes to a 4th of July party with his new-found church friends. He meets another English teacher named Tareck. Tareck is famous for kicking chairs across the classroom to get his students’ attention as well as living in the same apartment as his nudist boss.
Chapter 9
Kidman
Brian meets his first English-speaking co-teacher who goes by the name “Kid.” During their first time out for a hike together Kid confesses to Brian that he was accused by his ex-wife of burning down her house and that he likes dating Japanese women.
Chapter 10
Modem vs. Router
I have my first run in with Korean modems and their downfalls. Jackie comes to my rescue and gives me some much-needed internet advice.
Chapter 11
Golfing in Korea
I meet my first Korean golf instructor who gives me best golf lesson ever using no English. Using my new-found golf skills I decide to golf a few rounds of golf with my new co-teacher George and his brother.
Chapter 12
English Meetings at Angel-In-Us Café
In addition to going to church, I join another group in Korea. This one is and English group and is run by Jackie. I find another way to meet new friends and discuss current events in Korea. Carlo gets taken to the police station and I talk to him before he gets deported from Korea. I also meet my replacement who’s teaching at my previous academy.
Chapter 13
Lesson Plans
Brian reveals the most effective way to plan for his classes; by downloading lessons plans off the internet. Included in these lesson plans is  sample menu that is used to help the students role-play the purchasing of a hamburger in class.
Chapter 14
Dating in Korea
Brian shares four case studies of native teachers (males) who are dating Korean women. Included in these case studies are the reactions of the host-woman’s friends, families and social network.
Chapter 15
Surgery on a Budget
Brian get learns the difference between hospitals in Seoul (where the rich Koreans go) and all other hospitals in Korea. Brian finds the best value in Korea which is eye surgery which is priced at $2,500 in Korea vs. $28,000 in the United States. While in the hospital Brian meets an American man named Roman who’s been living in Korea since the 1970′s and publishing a book about a Post-Apocalyptic New England town. When Brian asks Roman who his book publishing agent is Roman replies, “The guy’s an idiot, he’s 62 and has just had his 6th child with his 3rd wife. What kind of a life is that kid going to have?”
“First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” by Brian Ward, can be found on Amazon.com

How Did You Decide To Teach English in Korea?

December 28, 2012

“Take whatever you can get, instead of going after what you really want. Take what’s safe and certain. Settle. Start paying down a mortgage and quit whining about your dreams,” I would often hear when asking others for career advice.

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I guess what people figure is that if they drone on you for long enough about what they want you to do, you’ll forget what it is you really want to do. I had to take a few days just to clear out my head of all the advice everyone had given me and try to remember what my dream was in the first place.

“What do you really want to do in this life?” I asked myself. “Travel the world for free,” I answered.

I decided to visit the career center website at Chico State. I entered “Teaching English in Korea” into the search engine and clicked on the link. A table then popped up on my screen comparing a teaching job in Korea with one in an American high school.

Country Salary
(Year)
Yearly Taxes Yearly Housing Expenses Total Remaining
Korea $26,000 + 50% of medical bills paid $780   $0 $25,220
USA   $35,000 $8,000 $8,400 $18,600

It was time for a different path in life. After seven months of waiting, I finally got a job with a Korean recruiter in Seoul (before any native English teacher can be hired from the US or Canada, they first need to go through a recruiting agency that places them in a job in Korea – most of the recruiting agencies are located in Korea). My new job was at an English academy in Southern South Korea. All I needed now was to get a South Korean visa.

I got my visa in the mail a few weeks later and departed for Korea in March of 2010. As I was clearing customs in Seoul, I ran into another American who was also coming to Korea to be a teacher. I recognized him from the San Francisco airport, he was probably the only person in Korea with a mullet. Not only did he arrive to Korea with a haircut seen sparsely outside of North American trailer parks, he had gone out of his way to sculpt the tail into a “V.” My conversation with him would be repeated thousands of times during my stay in Korea. “In which city do you work? What’s the name of your academy?”

I explained to him that I didn’t work in Seoul and actually lived on the other side of the country from Seoul. I fought hard to avoid living in Seoul. I had seen too many documentaries about the guys in Tokyo whose job it is to cram bodies into the subway before the doors closed. I also didn’t want to end up in the Korean Ozarks. I settled on a medium-sized town called Mokpo. Mokpo is a port city located in the southwest corner of the Korean peninsula. Mokpo’s population is approximately 280,000. Mokpo tends to be a few degrees cooler in summer and a few degrees warmer in winter compared to Seoul. It was also one of the few cities in Korea whose name I can pronounce.

If you ask anyone Korean from Seoul what they think of Mokpo, they will promptly turn up their nose at you and say, “Mokpo not Korea,” meaning that Mokpo is a “cultural backwoods” compared to Seoul – or in other words, Mokpo is to Korea what Hillsboro, West Virginia is to the United States. Or to be put another way, Mokpo is to Korea what David Hasselhoff is to acting, it’s ok to joke about it with your friends but it doesn’t make for polite dinner conversation when you’re hosting important guests over for dinner.

__________________________________________________

Everything You Wanted To Know About Teaching English In Korea But Were Afraid To Ask

There has been an exploding demand for native English speakers to teach English in South Korea. English programs and English academies have been spreading like wildfire all over Korea. And, due to an unpredictable economy, many university graduates, travelers, and people from all walks of life are packing their bags and taking advantage of the English boom in Korea.
Korean institutions are paying good money ($2,000-$2,500 a month) and offering excellent benefits (free housing, 30 hour work weeks) to Westerners who are willing to explore the unfamiliar, pack up their bags, and teach in thriving South Korea.
324288_10150780210710405_5010733_o
This is the complete guidebook on how to relocate to South Korea and become an English teacher. This book illustrates the many advantages (low taxes, high standard of living, friendly people, safe streets) and challenges (dating, language barriers, disciplining students, getting along with co-workers) that the first time teacher can expect to confront in Korea.
Funny, fact filled and always informative, “First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” provides the necessary knowledge you need to make the most out of the experience. Jam packed with practical information, “First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” addresses all of the topics and taboos a prospective English teacher needs to know, from finding the right job and negotiating a contract settlement to avoid eating dog while ordering food off of a menu.While other books focus solely on classroom experience,“First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” explores life outside of the classroom, providing you with an in-depth and often hilarious guide to Korean culture, food, friendship, drinking, dating, religion, health and history are just some of the subjects discussed in detail.Last but not least,
“First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” looks at the embarrassing realities of life abroad, offering pause for thought on such issues as learning how to pronounce Korean students’ names, a 15-minute golf lesson I got in Korean that increased my driving distance 20%, my interactions with my Korean co-worker “Kid” who confesses to me that he was accused by his ex-wife of burning down her house and the cheapest and best eye surgery I’ve gotten in any country. “First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” will awaken readers to the transitional opportunities available in a place that shares few Western customs but many of the comforts of home.
Written by Brian Ward, a semi-qualified middle school teacher whose walked the fine line between sanity and a nervous breakdown in the classroom, “First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” is an irreverent and insightful survival guide for anyone brave enough to try their hand at teaching English in South Korea or who just wants to have a laugh at author Brian Ward’s backwards approach to living in Korean culture.
This guidebook also compares teaching in the USA to teaching in Korea.
_______________________________________________________
Country Salary
(Year)
Yearly Taxes Yearly Housing Expenses Total Remaining
Korea $26,000 + 50% of medical bills paid $780   $0 $25,220
USA   $35,000 $8,000 $8,400 $18,600
_______________________________________________________
“First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” by Brian Ward, can be found on Amazon.com
Here is a chapter by chapter synopsis of the book:
Chapter 1
Dreams vs. Getting a Paycheck
This chapter profiles author’s friend Nick Lee, the hedonistic boozer surrounded by books, half-finished paintings and an old LP player — speaks in English rather than Greek or Latin. Prodigious nose, has been retooled as a heroic pretty boy. As Nick Lee’s life finally falls apart due to alcohol and lack of physical contact with women, the author decides to get on a plane to Korea. Upon his arrival to South Korea, he is taken back when he learns the true meaning of “Hair Shops” in Korea.
Chapter 2
Academy Owners
This chapter discusses the 4 major types of academy owners as well as which category I was working for. This chapter also discusses my “first contact” with my boss and Korean co-workers. This chapter reveals what a failure I am at teaching and includes the letters I received from Seoul which explained where I should improve. Introduced in this chapter is Carlo, an English teacher famous for drinking with Russians, getting bit by his students and his travels throughout Morocco.
In this chapter I get fired from my first job and start a new job. I am also forced to learn a little bit about Korean culture in order to be able to converse better with my students. Also introduced in this chapter is Jackie and the story of his dog “Blackie.” Also discussed is the Korean co-worker culture and what that entails.
Chapter 3
First Non-Monopoly Month in Class
I learn which class tattled on me for playing Monopoly every day in class. I also try different techniques for disciplining my students. I also discuss the advantages of talking with the students versus making them do exercises and what makes talking to the students so difficult. Also discussed is more of Carlo’s antics outside of the classroom. I finally get the bright idea of discussing the rules in class. I meet Carlo again out of class and we discuss the problems of his life; mainly how to deal with a belligerent student who happens to be the boss’ daughter in class.
Chapter 4
Bars and Churches
There are two types of English teachers in Mokpo, those who hang out in the bars and the other who hang out in church. Frankly I was getting tired of hanging out with the English teachers in bars. I decide to go to church instead. On my first day of church I discover that there is free orange juice and cookies served after each session. I meet Ms. Jung who explains to me why the street in Korea are so clean and how it affects retired Korean people. I also get my first private English student. Jackie’s house becomes haunted by a ghost and he reveals how to chase ghosts away. I go to my first baseball game.
Chapter 5
Modem vs. Router
I have my first run in with Korean modems and their downfalls. Jackie comes to my rescue and gives me some much-needed internet advice.
Chapter 6
Golfing in Korea
I meet my first Korean golf instructor who gives me best golf lesson ever using no English. Using my new-found golf skills I decide to golf a few rounds of golf with my new co-teacher George and his brother.
Chapter 7
English Meetings at Angel-In-Us Café
In addition to going to church, I join another group in Korea. This one is and English group that is run by my Korean friend Jackie. This group becomes a great way to meet new friends and discuss current events in Korea. Next, my former roommate, Carlo, gets taken to the police station and I talk to him before he gets deported from Korea. I also meet my replacement who’s teaching at my previous academy.
Chapter 8
4th of July in Korea
Author goes to a 4th of July party with his new-found church friends. He meets another English teacher named Tareck. Tareck is famous for kicking chairs across the classroom to get his students’ attention as well as living in the same apartment as his nudist boss.
Chapter 9
Kidman
Brian meets his first English-speaking co-teacher who goes by the name “Kid.” During their first time out for a hike together Kid confesses to Brian that he was accused by his ex-wife of burning down her house and that he likes dating Japanese women.
Chapter 10
Modem vs. Router
I have my first run in with Korean modems and their downfalls. Jackie comes to my rescue and gives me some much-needed internet advice.
Chapter 11
Golfing in Korea
I meet my first Korean golf instructor who gives me best golf lesson ever using no English. Using my new-found golf skills I decide to golf a few rounds of golf with my new co-teacher George and his brother.
Chapter 12
English Meetings at Angel-In-Us Café
In addition to going to church, I join another group in Korea. This one is and English group and is run by Jackie. I find another way to meet new friends and discuss current events in Korea. Carlo gets taken to the police station and I talk to him before he gets deported from Korea. I also meet my replacement who’s teaching at my previous academy.
Chapter 13
Lesson Plans
Brian reveals the most effective way to plan for his classes; by downloading lessons plans off the internet. Included in these lesson plans is  sample menu that is used to help the students role-play the purchasing of a hamburger in class.
Chapter 14
Dating in Korea
Brian shares four case studies of native teachers (males) who are dating Korean women. Included in these case studies are the reactions of the host-woman’s friends, families and social network.
Chapter 15
Surgery on a Budget
Brian get learns the difference between hospitals in Seoul (where the rich Koreans go) and all other hospitals in Korea. Brian finds the best value in Korea which is eye surgery which is priced at $2,500 in Korea vs. $28,000 in the United States. While in the hospital Brian meets an American man named Roman who’s been living in Korea since the 1970′s and publishing a book about a Post-Apocalyptic New England town. When Brian asks Roman who his book publishing agent is Roman replies, “The guy’s an idiot, he’s 62 and has just had his 6th child with his 3rd wife. What kind of a life is that kid going to have?”
“First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” by Brian Ward, can be found on Amazon.com

Dating In Korea

December 27, 2012

“You need a Korean girlfriend.”

This is what all my Korean male friends would tell me constantly. It was easier said than done.

Of the 300 Native English teachers, 180 of them came in couples. Of the 120 left, probably 40 of them had girlfriends or boyfriends back home. That left 80 or so single teachers. 40 of those were males. Of those 40, four successfully got Korean girlfriends while living in Mokpo.

The first native teacher with a Korean girlfriend’s name was Mick. He met his Korean girlfriend at a dance club in Gwangju, which is about 40 minutes outside Mokpo.

“How does your girlfriend’s father like you?” I asked Mick.

“Well, he doesn’t know I exist. My girlfriend said that if her father found out that she was going out with a foreigner, she would be out of the family.”

That didn’t stop them from going out, but for a Korean woman to marry a foreigner it can usually have immediate repercussions in her family.

The second native teacher I met with a Korean girlfriend was my roommate Axl. He actually came to Korea with a girlfriend in Ohio but halfway through his stay he decided that he wasn’t going back to live with her and he wanted to stay in Korea. He met a Korean girl named Gloria during a private English lesson. She was taking English lessons in Mokpo because she was planning to apply for a teaching job at a university in a city called Jeonju, which is an hour north of Mokpo. Gloria successfully got the job in Jeonju. They started dating shortly after she moved to Jeonju. Almost every weekend, Axl would take the bus to visit Gloria in Jeonju. They were getting along so well that Axl decided to apply for a job in Jeonju so they could live in the same town. It took him four months of searching but he finally got a job teaching in Jeonju.amKorean

The night before Axl was set to leave Mokpo, he got a call from Gloria saying she was breaking up with him. It was too late for him to stay in Mokpo, his position had already been taken by a new teacher and his room was also taken.

Although he was sad about what happened with Gloria, he still wanted to have a going away dinner. We had three-person dinner with a Korean girl named Pam.

“I really want a boyfriend, I am so lonely,” remarked Pam while we were eating dinner together.

“I thought you had a boyfriend.” Axl commented.

“No, I haven’t had a boyfriend in two years. I want an American boyfriend I can just have sex with, nothing serious. I want you to be my boyfriend” Pam said to Axl.

I looked at Axl’s reaction, he just stared into the table as if his heart was in his throat. Here he was leaving for Jeonju pursuing a girl who didn’t want to be with him. While all along a from a girl in Mokpo wanted to have sex with him. I asked Axl why Gloria had broken up with him. He said something about her being too busy. What I take that to mean was that it was great to have a friend come visit but once he starts living in the same city, the Korean girl gets nervous about maybe this guy will try to marry me and then I can get stuck in a sticky spot.

Axl moved to Jeonju the following day. He is probably, to this day, traveling to Mokpo every weekend to visit Pam.

The third native teacher with a Korean girlfriend was an American friend of Jonathan’s. The way the American met his Korean girlfriend was during a dance party. During the party Jonathan and his friend danced with two Korean girls. The two girls were really animated and fun to be with. Because neither of the girls spoke English fluently, Jonathan had to translate everything that went on that night to his foreigner friend. While dancing, Jonathan and his friend introduced themselves to the girls.

They replied back in Korean. Jonathan translated, “Their names are Tammy and Jee Hey,”  Jonathan relayed to his foreign friend. He then asked them about their jobs. “Jee Hey graduated from a top university in Seoul and she is the owner of an English academy. She also lived three years in China and speaks fluent Mandarin,” Jonathan explained to the foreigner.

He then asked Jee Hey to demonstrate her Chinese to the American. She spoke a couple of lines of Chinese and everyone was satisfied. After the party, he and Jonathan invited the two Korean girls to have a drink with them.

So, the group all got into Jonathan’s car and went to drink soju. While drinking soju together the girls dared Jonathan and his American friend to take each girl in their arms and squat them to see who was the strongest. The American guy was a little nervous about the dare but Jonathan accepted freely.

The night went so well they ended up going to the Karaoke with the girls after drinks. In the Karaoke they drank plum wine and started to play a “numbers” game. The rules of the game were simple. Jonathan would write different numbers on tiny scraps of paper and put them in a hat.

On another piece of paper he would write a list of 1-10 with the instructions of what the person had to do if they drew a certain number. (ex: #1 – Go to the front of the karaoke and do a sexy dance, #4 – You must drink a shot of soju, #8 – You must sing a song while another person rides piggy back on you). It was a genius game.

As luck would have it, Jonathan’s foreign friend pulled the #8 and asked Jee Hey to ride on his back while he sang, “Hurts So Good” by John Cougar. Before Jee Hey climbed onto his back she took off her shoes and then latched her legs around his waist. By the time the foreigner got to the chorus of “Hurts So Good” Jee Hey had started kissing the American on the neck. He was nervous, out of breath and wasn’t known for his vocal skills but he continued to sing the entire song. At the end of the song they hugged each other and he thanked her for participating.

By the time it reached 4 a.m. the girls were tired and wanted to go home and take a rest. Before they left, the foreign guy asked Jee Hey for her number through Jonathan. A 12 minute conversation in Korean followed between Jee Hey and Jonathan. “What are you talking about?” asked the foreigner. “She says that she really likes you but she’s not sure if you want to go out with her.” said Jonathan. “Why not?” asked the foreigner. “She was divorced from her first husband and wonders if you still want to go out with her.” replied Jonathan. “What’s the big deal?” wondered the foreigner. Jee Hey interrupted and explained in Korean a little more about the situation. “She wants to know if you date girls who are divorced.” Jonathan translated. “Yes, why not?” the foreigner responded. “Well, in Korea, sometimes Korean men don’t like dating women who have divorced.” reported Jonathan. The whole situation was finally cleared up and Jee Hey agreed to give the foreigner her phone number and they went on another date a few months down the road. After that they broke up due to language problems and the fact that Jee Hey was working six days a week, going to church on Sundays and also trying to run her academy.

The fourth native teacher with a Korean girlfriend was a friend of Ole’s. The inter-racial couple was the most visible couple in Mokpo. They went out often and were very popular because they both had such an extended network of friends. One night the Korean girl invited some male Korean friends of hers to come out on a date with her and her native English teacher boyfriend. The night started out pleasant enough, everyone was getting along fine until one of her Korean male friends had a little too much to drink and started causing a commotion. Finally he stood up at their table and berated her in Korean for having a foreign boyfriend and called her trash in front of their Korean friends, a very uncomfortable situation for everyone. They continued dating but had to reduce their circle of friends to avoid future outbreaks.

Added to the social pressures of a Korean person dating a foreign person are the language problems (3% of Korean girls in Mokpo speak fluent English), cultural issues (Korean girls usually aren’t allowed to be alone in a single man’s apartment) and the religious issue (65% of Koreans are Christian and this means their daughters can’t have sex before marriage). When I say a Korean person is a Christian, this is not the same as a North American Christian. Korean Christians go to church up to six days week and spend anywhere from 20-60 hours a week in church. For them it is not so much a religion but a lifestyle choice.

Dating in Korea is similar to every other country; complicated.

__________________________________________________

Everything You Wanted To Know About Teaching English In Korea But Were Afraid To Ask

There has been an exploding demand for native English speakers to teach English in South Korea. English programs and English academies have been spreading like wildfire all over Korea. And, due to an unpredictable economy, many university graduates, travelers, and people from all walks of life are packing their bags and taking advantage of the English boom in Korea.
Korean institutions are paying good money ($2,000-$2,500 a month) and offering excellent benefits (free housing, 30 hour work weeks) to Westerners who are willing to explore the unfamiliar, pack up their bags, and teach in thriving South Korea.
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This is the complete guidebook on how to relocate to South Korea and become an English teacher. This book illustrates the many advantages (low taxes, high standard of living, friendly people, safe streets) and challenges (dating, language barriers, disciplining students, getting along with co-workers) that the first time teacher can expect to confront in Korea.
Funny, fact filled and always informative, “First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” provides the necessary knowledge you need to make the most out of the experience. Jam packed with practical information, “First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” addresses all of the topics and taboos a prospective English teacher needs to know, from finding the right job and negotiating a contract settlement to avoid eating dog while ordering food off of a menu.While other books focus solely on classroom experience,“First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” explores life outside of the classroom, providing you with an in-depth and often hilarious guide to Korean culture, food, friendship, drinking, dating, religion, health and history are just some of the subjects discussed in detail.Last but not least,
“First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” looks at the embarrassing realities of life abroad, offering pause for thought on such issues as learning how to pronounce Korean students’ names, a 15-minute golf lesson I got in Korean that increased my driving distance 20%, my interactions with my Korean co-worker “Kid” who confesses to me that he was accused by his ex-wife of burning down her house and the cheapest and best eye surgery I’ve gotten in any country. “First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” will awaken readers to the transitional opportunities available in a place that shares few Western customs but many of the comforts of home.
Written by Brian Ward, a semi-qualified middle school teacher whose walked the fine line between sanity and a nervous breakdown in the classroom, “First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” is an irreverent and insightful survival guide for anyone brave enough to try their hand at teaching English in South Korea or who just wants to have a laugh at author Brian Ward’s backwards approach to living in Korean culture.
This guidebook also compares teaching in the USA to teaching in Korea.
_______________________________________________________
Country Salary
(Year)
Yearly Taxes Yearly Housing Expenses Total Remaining
Korea $26,000 + 50% of medical bills paid $780   $0 $25,220
USA   $35,000 $8,000 $8,400 $18,600
_______________________________________________________
“First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” by Brian Ward, can be found on Amazon.com
Here is a chapter by chapter synopsis of the book:
Chapter 1
Dreams vs. Getting a Paycheck
This chapter profiles author’s friend Nick Lee, the hedonistic boozer surrounded by books, half-finished paintings and an old LP player — speaks in English rather than Greek or Latin. Prodigious nose, has been retooled as a heroic pretty boy. As Nick Lee’s life finally falls apart due to alcohol and lack of physical contact with women, the author decides to get on a plane to Korea. Upon his arrival to South Korea, he is taken back when he learns the true meaning of “Hair Shops” in Korea.
Chapter 2
Academy Owners
This chapter discusses the 4 major types of academy owners as well as which category I was working for. This chapter also discusses my “first contact” with my boss and Korean co-workers. This chapter reveals what a failure I am at teaching and includes the letters I received from Seoul which explained where I should improve. Introduced in this chapter is Carlo, an English teacher famous for drinking with Russians, getting bit by his students and his travels throughout Morocco.
In this chapter I get fired from my first job and start a new job. I am also forced to learn a little bit about Korean culture in order to be able to converse better with my students. Also introduced in this chapter is Jackie and the story of his dog “Blackie.” Also discussed is the Korean co-worker culture and what that entails.
Chapter 3
First Non-Monopoly Month in Class
I learn which class tattled on me for playing Monopoly every day in class. I also try different techniques for disciplining my students. I also discuss the advantages of talking with the students versus making them do exercises and what makes talking to the students so difficult. Also discussed is more of Carlo’s antics outside of the classroom. I finally get the bright idea of discussing the rules in class. I meet Carlo again out of class and we discuss the problems of his life; mainly how to deal with a belligerent student who happens to be the boss’ daughter in class.
Chapter 4
Bars and Churches
There are two types of English teachers in Mokpo, those who hang out in the bars and the other who hang out in church. Frankly I was getting tired of hanging out with the English teachers in bars. I decide to go to church instead. On my first day of church I discover that there is free orange juice and cookies served after each session. I meet Ms. Jung who explains to me why the street in Korea are so clean and how it affects retired Korean people. I also get my first private English student. Jackie’s house becomes haunted by a ghost and he reveals how to chase ghosts away. I go to my first baseball game.
Chapter 5
Modem vs. Router
I have my first run in with Korean modems and their downfalls. Jackie comes to my rescue and gives me some much-needed internet advice.
Chapter 6
Golfing in Korea
I meet my first Korean golf instructor who gives me best golf lesson ever using no English. Using my new-found golf skills I decide to golf a few rounds of golf with my new co-teacher George and his brother.
Chapter 7
English Meetings at Angel-In-Us Café
In addition to going to church, I join another group in Korea. This one is and English group that is run by my Korean friend Jackie. This group becomes a great way to meet new friends and discuss current events in Korea. Next, my former roommate, Carlo, gets taken to the police station and I talk to him before he gets deported from Korea. I also meet my replacement who’s teaching at my previous academy.
Chapter 8
4th of July in Korea
Author goes to a 4th of July party with his new-found church friends. He meets another English teacher named Tareck. Tareck is famous for kicking chairs across the classroom to get his students’ attention as well as living in the same apartment as his nudist boss.
Chapter 9
Kidman
Brian meets his first English-speaking co-teacher who goes by the name “Kid.” During their first time out for a hike together Kid confesses to Brian that he was accused by his ex-wife of burning down her house and that he likes dating Japanese women.
Chapter 10
Modem vs. Router
I have my first run in with Korean modems and their downfalls. Jackie comes to my rescue and gives me some much-needed internet advice.
Chapter 11
Golfing in Korea
I meet my first Korean golf instructor who gives me best golf lesson ever using no English. Using my new-found golf skills I decide to golf a few rounds of golf with my new co-teacher George and his brother.
Chapter 12
English Meetings at Angel-In-Us Café
In addition to going to church, I join another group in Korea. This one is and English group and is run by Jackie. I find another way to meet new friends and discuss current events in Korea. Carlo gets taken to the police station and I talk to him before he gets deported from Korea. I also meet my replacement who’s teaching at my previous academy.
Chapter 13
Lesson Plans
Brian reveals the most effective way to plan for his classes; by downloading lessons plans off the internet. Included in these lesson plans is  sample menu that is used to help the students role-play the purchasing of a hamburger in class.
Chapter 14
Dating in Korea
Brian shares four case studies of native teachers (males) who are dating Korean women. Included in these case studies are the reactions of the host-woman’s friends, families and social network.
Chapter 15
Surgery on a Budget
Brian get learns the difference between hospitals in Seoul (where the rich Koreans go) and all other hospitals in Korea. Brian finds the best value in Korea which is eye surgery which is priced at $2,500 in Korea vs. $28,000 in the United States. While in the hospital Brian meets an American man named Roman who’s been living in Korea since the 1970′s and publishing a book about a Post-Apocalyptic New England town. When Brian asks Roman who his book publishing agent is Roman replies, “The guy’s an idiot, he’s 62 and has just had his 6th child with his 3rd wife. What kind of a life is that kid going to have?”
“First Contact in Korea: A Native English Teacher’s Journey Into The Backwoods of South Korea” by Brian Ward, can be found on Amazon.com